Adapted from “Letting Go of the Person You Used to Be” by Lama Surya Das

Start by listing your greatest losses. Just jot down whatever comes to mind… Skim the surface at first, and just see what comes up. Don’t worry about whether or not you are writing exquisite prose. In some ways, writing in this way corresponds with the tantric principle of getting it all out until you are exhausted and then seeing who you are at the bedrock level. Some of us are working through a current loss; others are enmeshed and caught up in the past. Start from wherever you are.

After you have skimmed the surface, you might want to consolidate your loss list or break it down into categories, such as “material loss,” “relationship loss,” “lost opportunities,” or “lost dreams,” to name just a few possibilities. Which areas stand out for you? With each of your losses, reflect on what happened. Reflect on your deepest feelings and get into the details. When you start writing, you might be surprised at the losses that take priority.

With each loss that you write down, ask yourself the following question: What did I really lose? List the answers and work them through. For example, if you lost your job, and one of your losses is a sense of status, ask: “Is this really important to me? And why?” Here are some suggestions for questions to get you started:

• What did I really lose?

• Why did I lose it?

• Have I healed from this loss?

• Will I ever heal from this loss?

• Do I want to heal from this loss?

• If I have healed, what lessons have I learned about myself?

• What lessons can I apply to current or future loss?

• Have I stopped blaming myself?

• What can I do to be more accepting and forgiving of my own behavior?

Then write down what you are feeling because of your loss. Ask yourself:

•Am I still angry and bitter?

•Why am I still hanging on to losses that have no real meaning in my life?

•Am I hanging on to unrealistic fantasies and illusions around my loss?

•How can I let go of my negative feelings?

Often when we have lost something, we blame ourselves. People blame themselves if their partners cheat or their children become ill, but it isn’t spiritually intelligent to blame ourselves. There are many factors involved with each event, and we can’t control the ungovernable world. Getting more in touch with your feelings about the major and minor losses in your life can help you heal and forgive yourself. This can be an important first step on the road back to wholeness…

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